Moments in 2020

January—

I had my first official New Years Kiss with someone I love very much.

I played the The Criminologist in The Rocky Horror Picture Show at Portland Music Hall with Consensual Daydreamers.

With Speak About It, I got to see Oronde Cruger lead a conversation with Peggy Orenstein and got a signed copy of her book Boys and Sex.

Therapy has been feeling really good; particularly in being aware of patterns and the need for kindness for myself.

I left my job at The Opportunity Alliance.

I named that 2020 would be my year of ART.

I began to edit Dee Clarke’s autobiographical play The Last Girl. I have been really blessed to work with her virutally every week this year.

February—

I got to run a poetry workshop on social justice for the University of New England’s Social Work program in Biddeford, Maine.

I performed a group piece with my friend Samaa Abdurraqib in the Renegade Writers reading at The Portland Ballet. We also shared individual poems of ours.

I was in Portland Stage’s Play Me a Story series twice this month.

I gave too much of my emotional energy to a couple of people who did not deserve it.

I went to Minneapolis, Minnesota for Black Table Arts’ Garden of Black Joy anthology release and got to be one of the readers there!

There was a week when my panic attacks were bad.

I got accepted into Sundress Academy for the Arts’ Writers Coop in Knoxville, Tenessee for July.

I published essays in venues such as The Tempest, RaceBaitr, Black Youth Project, O Dot School, Black Girl Nerds, and Rooted in Rights.

I published poetry in Misery Tourism.

March—

I got to co-facilitate a writing workshop as a guest artist for a week with The Telling Room.

I got accepted into Randolph College’s (located in Lynchburg, Virginia) low residency MFA Creative Writing with a focus in Poetry. First semester was to start with a week long residency on campus, then a virtual 20 week one on one mentorship.

I participated in an insightful and fun training with the Maine Youth Action Network about facilitating in spaces for youth.

I played Z in the play Storage with Bare Portland until we had to close the show early.

The COVID-19 crisis messed with a lot of my poetry and acting gigs, which has caused me and many loved ones lots of anxiety and stress.

I began facilitating the Sunday writing workshops with Quill Books & Beverage and Tuesday open mics with Port Veritas online for the first time thanks to Ctrl+Art+Distance (created by my friend Ella Mock)

I published essays in venues such as The Tempest, Black Girl Nerds, Rooted in Rights, Matthew’s Place, The Gay Gaze, and MetroUK.

April—

I shared poems I admired on my Instagram stories for National Poetry Month.

My dermatillomania started to be come much harder to manage than usual.

I did my first online poetry showcase called “There’s No Way There’s That Much Love” on Facebook Live.

My brother had an overdose, but he recovered well.

I questioned whether or not it would be worth continuing this series because of how hard this year has been.

I did an online poetry event with my friend Samaa Abudrraqib and Indigo Arts Alliance. It was interesting learning how to share our group piece in an online format.

A group of my friends and I maintain a weekly email chain of sharing our poems with each otther. It has been so joyous and needed.

I published a poem and essay in Terse Journal.

I published essays in venues such as The Floor Mag and Matthew’s Place.

May—

I started a job at MaineTransNet as their Sexual Assault Program Coordinator. I coordinate support groups for trans survivors of sexual assault (SA) and domestic violence (DV) and develop educational programming on cultural competency for trans survivors for people who work in the field of SA/DV. It has also been wonderful coordinating art focused support groups for survivors and coordinate some of the logistics for MaineTransNet’s online art auction for trans artists. I love my job.

I did online writing workshops with youth from Engine (Biddeford, Maine) and Arts in Reach (Portsmouth, New Hampshire).

I performed an online feature for Boston Poetry Slam.

Boston Poetry Slam’s venue, The Cantab, closed.

Myles Bullen and I performed as a dual feature online for The Dirty Gerund and Slam Free or Die.

Port Veritas had the opportunity to co-host an online poetry telethon with fellow New England poetry venues to raise money for incarcerated folks.

I made a TikTok!

June—

My mental health wasn’t the worst it has ever been, but it was definitely different, and I was still struggling with it. I had to develop a whole other set of coping skills not only because of COVID, but because of losing so many Black people whether in my personal life or witnessing that through the national scale of police brutality.

I had to reschedule my residency for SAFTA to October.

I was supposed to co-facilitate a two week workshop series with Gibson Fay-Leblanc for Maine Writers and Publishers Alliance in person. Then we shifted it to online, and didn’t have enough registrations to go through with it.

My first semester at Randolph had to shift to completely online. But it was completely wonderful getting to meet the faculty and the poets in my cohort. Eloisa Amezcua was assigned as my mentor!

Surprisingly still got work in a short film and commercials.

I published an essay in Black Girl Nerds.

July—

I started medication for the first time: twenty milligrams of Prozac.

I visited family out of state for the Fourth of July. It was wonderful to see them and to hug more people outside of my bubble of two people I hug in Maine. However, it was also so anxiety inducing traveling. So navigating that along with family boundaries because of COVID amongst other stuff led to a lot of crying that whole weekend.

August—

I got to facilitate a writing workshop for EqualityMaine’s online summer program for youth.

Depression was pretty high this month. At its highest since the year started.

September—

I republished a poem from Frost Meadow Review to the Interfaith Youth Core’s Interfaith America online site, and Anis Mojgani saw it!

I got to work with a Sikh dancer and a Mormon harp player who were fellow Interfaith Youth Core alums through The Peace Studio’s 100 Offerings of Peace campaign to create a video through poetry, dance, and music about peace amidst the storm.

My sister got engaged!

My friend Mia and I began working on a video essay podcast series about the depiction of suicide in entertainment called Dying/Laughing. The first episode will be released in February 2021!

I published an essay for Black Girl Nerds, and Reverend Monica Coleman saw it!

I participated in an art virtual chat with Mad Horse Theatre Company.

October—

Switched to 37.5 milligrams of Effexor. Two weeks later, started 75 milligrams of Effexor.

I attended my SAFTA residency thanks to MaineTransNet’s support and SAFTA’s safety regulations. Had a panic attack on the plane ride there though.

I have been writing more poems in form.

I became friends with Brooke, who also became my illustrator for a children’s book I am working on about suicide.

I performed in a play via Zoom in the role of Cheerful in Insulted. Belarus(sia).

Mia and I started applying for grants for Dying/Laughing.

I published an essay for Matthew’s Place.

I published two poems for Littoral Books’ anthology ENOUGH!

November—

Myles Bullen and I performed and had a Q&A with students at Bowdoin College. It was MAGNIFICENT.

I renewed my contract with Dirigo Talent Agency to continue to obtain acting work.

I was one of the three artists selected to represent Maine in The Kennedy Center’s Art Across America series.

I published a poem in Pensive.

I completed my first semester of my low residency MFA!

A LOT of hard work in therapy processing the end of the year, prepping for my sister’s wedding, and more.

December—

I facilitated a workshop on mental health and storytelling for the Feminine Empowerment Movement Slam.

I got accepted into Construct’s residency on Post-Singularity Media Literacy for February-May 2021.

My car got stuck during the first snow in Southern Maine.

I got to collaborate with Samaa Abdurraqib again and we got to perform our poem again at The Telling Room’s online writing program.

I facilitated a spoken word workshop with youth from GLSEN for the second year in a row.

I got to see my family and friends safely for the holidays and my sister’s wedding. The least I felt safe was at the airport.

I am in the midst of memorizing monologues for an audition in January for a modernized retelling of Othello with a majority Black and POC cast. Fingers crossed that I get to be a part of that!

I published poetry for venues such as A Gathering Together and FreezeRay.

I published an essay for Carefree.

I began my second semester of my MFA program.

I read a total of 44 books this year. I’m not going to berate myself about it being a smaller amount than usual, because it’s a lot considering how exhausting the pandemic has been.

Moments in 2019

January—

I got a poem published in Homology Lit.

I performed in The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time as a dancer with MESH/Consensual Daydreamers. I toured with them too throughout Maine this year in Portland, Bangor, and Waterville.

I went to Phil Kaye’s reading at Print Bookstore, got him to sign my books of his, and make my 16 year old self happy.

After dating since November, my boyfriend and I became official and fell in love. I’m quite happy.

I had to deal with so much grief due to loved ones dying.

My mom got engaged.

I saw the Spider-Man Multiverse film and LOVED it!

I attended the National LGBTQ Task Force’s Creating Change Conference in Detroit, Michigan where I got to present under EqualityMaine and co-present with MaineTransNet. It was an overwhelming and remarkable experience.

February—

I wrote a grant to the Interfaith Youth Core to fund an interfaith open mic at the Portland Dharma House, and it got accepted.

I attended Chrysanthemum Tran and Justice Ameer’s Show Anthem in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and LOVED it and loved seeing familiar faces in spoken word community in a spectacular performance.

I had to deal with more grief due to more loved ones dying.

I finished Season 3 of One Day at a Time and LOVED it! So much laughter and crying.

I got to book more folks to feature at Port Veritas as an organizer and host at the open mic on a more weekly basis.

I recorded more videos of myself performing poetry.

More breakthroughs are happening in therapy!!

March—

I got to organize a LGBTQ+ youth conference during my service term with EqualityMaine with Program Director, Gia Drew. Half of the facilitators for workshops were young people. It was so cool!

A person I used to care for passed away. Grief wasn’t as heavy, but it was still there.

I got to feature at Slam Free or Die’s venue in Manchester, New Hampshire. I sold merchandise for the first time and everything!

My friend Bridgette moved out of our apartment. Then, my friend Christina moved in.

April—

I got published in Frost Meadow Review as a featured poet.

I met my boyfriend’s parents.

I got an article published about my personal journey with mental health and suicidal ideation in The Black Youth Project

I got a poem published in Royal Rose Magazine.

I performed in a reading of 12 Angry Men “Read by 12 Impassioned Women” with amazing women and non-binary folks at Portland Stage.

I participated in my first Murder Mystery called “The Reality is Murder.” Even though I had to leave early, I had a great time! I was an assistant to a big reality show director.

I got to feature with Ayanna Gallant at Beat Night in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

I saw The Missing Link at the movies and was FLOORED!

May—

I got to have my best friend Mia Willis feature at Port Veritas.

My cousin came to visit me from Maryland for a weekend.

I got to feature at a youth open mic series at Lewiston/Auburn Art Gallery with my friend Ahmad Kafari Muhammad on the piano.

A few friends and I tried to organize a women of color poetry showcase. It didn’t come to fruition as planned, and that’s okay.

June—

I got to host the interfaith Open Mic at The Dharma House.

I wrote a grant for EqualityMaine’s LGBTQ+ youth leadership summer camp and got $2,000 in funds.

I got to perform in Portland, Maine’s PortFringe festival, received great reviews, and received a Patron’s Choice Award for my show.

I worked at Pride Month this year, and this is my first Pride Month being a fully out queer person. I also participated in Portland Stage’s Play Me a Story program for Pride acting out children’s books with LGBT themes.

I was offered an opportunity to go to the Interfaith Leadership Institute In Chicago, but unfortunately couldn’t go.

I went to a retreat area with my boyfriend, his brothers, and their wives/girlfriends.

July—

I got to celebrate a full year of facilitating writing workshops at Quill Books & Beverage in Westbrook.

I accepted a contract position as an actor and consent educator with the non profit Speak About It; they use theater to educate about consent and sexual assault prevention.

I got to read my poems from Frost Meadow Review at Quiet City Books.

Another loved on died. Hence, more grief.

I got to work with art based nonprofits as a teaching artist such as Arts in Reach in New Hampshire (for the second year in a row) and The Telling Room in Maine (for the first time).

I saw the new live action Lion King and LOVED it!!

I participated in Sierra DeMulder’s writing workshop Exhale and enjoyed it.

August—

I got to coordinate a summer camp for LGBTQ+ youth and see it come to life as an Assistant Camp Director!

I completed my service term at EqualityMaine, a non-profit that serves the LGBTQ+ community in the state of Maine, as a Program VISTA in youth programming.

I brought my boyfriend with me to my mom’s engagement celebration, where a lot of my family met him for the first time.

I went on an orientation tour to 7 college campuses a total of 16 shows performing with Speak About It.

I started working with the Maine Humanities Council and the Kennebunk Free Library on storytelling programming on children’s books about race, culture, and identity.

I got a poem published in Bosque Press.

My poem for Homology Lit was nominated for Best of the Net.

September—

This month marked my third year of posting on social media for Suicide Awareness Month.

I got to work on my writing at the Hewnoaks Artist Colony Residency in Lovell, ME. Such a rejuvenating and necessary week full of writing, reading, praying, and meditating. A few scary wasps, but everything else was WONDERFUL!

Mason Granger allowed me to have footage of myself performing at Slam Free or Die’s VOX Slam in 2018.

I got to feature at Bowery Poetry Club in New York, New York.

I did voice work for a fantasy narrative podcast called Of Fae and Fiends playing a Wind Elemental.

I started working full time at The Opportunity Alliance as a Care Coordinator.

I got to read at an annual reading in Portland called Metamorphosis along with many incredible writers from the New England area.

I continued to book pick up shows for Speak About It when my schedule allowed it after the end of the orientation tour.

October—

My first student loan payments were due.

My boyfriend and I got to see Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye perform together in Boston. I have seen them perform individually, but it was so great to see them in person together and not just by a video.

I performed comedy for the first time in FOREVER at Quill Books & Beverage’s Queer and Feminist Comedy Night.

I got to be a youth coordinator for the Feminine Empowerment Movement Slam (FEMS) for the second year in a row (this is my third FEMS). I won’t be signing up for the position again next year, but these two years have been lovely, and I still look forward to next year’s FEMS.

I have been out as queer to everyone for a year.

I got to open for my friend Lynne Schmidt in honor of her first published chapbook Gravity at Quiet City Books. I got to book her to feature at Port Veritas as well where she sold out the books she was selling that night!

I saw Joker in theaters. It was really intense and sometimes triggering, but I enjoyed it.

I participated in my second murder mystery that was Game of Thrones themed. I still won’t watch the show, but I had a great time. I was Sansa Stark.

I got a poem accepted for publication in A Gathering Together.

I have had a lot of anxiety attacks and panic attacks.

November—

I created a Patreon account! (Click here to become a patron: https://t.co/sReWOQZoWV?amp=1)

I got to feature at the Interfaith Open Mic at The Dharma House sharing poems about faith, blackness, and mental health.

I worked with Portland Stage again for their Play Me a Story series, this month children’s books about consent.

I got to do a presentation on spoken word poetry at the Maine Youth Action Network Conference.

I worked with The Telling Room again as a teaching artist.

I developed programming and facilitated at the Olympia Snowe Conference for young girls and young people socialized as girls.

I got cast as The Criminologist in Consensual Dreamers Rocky Horror Picture Show! We perform in January!

An official release date was made for Black Table Arts’ anthology A Garden of Black Joy, which a friend and I each have a poem in along with many more talented black writers.

I got cast as one of four leads in Bare Portland’s upcoming show Storage. We perform in March!

I got to feature with Ashia Ajani at the Lizard Lounge for Poetry in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

My suicidal ideation, anxiety, and depression got really bad again, and I needed to reevaluate how I take care of myself.

My mom got married.

December—

I got to perform my show from PortFringe at Madhouse Theater part of their 8 Days of Fringe performances.

Rejections from publications and residency applications are normal, there were just more than usual this month.

I got to work with GLSEN through a poetry night at Quill Books & Beverage.

I was part of Speak About It’s first all POC cast at New Hampton School in New Hampshire.

I booked my first commercial playing a mother for a Central Maine Power (CMP) shoot.

I was a judge at Westbrook High School’s Poetry Out Loud competition.

My chapbook “When Speaking to an Extraterrestrial” was a finalist for Maine Writers and Publishers Alliance’s chapbook contest.

Horrible anxiety attacks this month.

I went to two holiday parties this year with my partner, one his friend hosted and one my friend hosted, and we had a great time!

I spent Christmas with my boyfriend’s family. It was so so lovely.

I turned in my resignation letter to leave from my position as Care Coordinator with The Opportunity Alliance

I have read a total of 85 books this year. This includes chapbooks, full length poetry books, graphic novels, fictional novels, YA fictional novels, and nonfiction. I exceeded my goal to read 70 books before the year ended.

I Started a Patreon!

For those who have been following my writing for a while, know how much publishing and traveling to share my work means to me.

So, you can support my writing endeavors at my Patreon link here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/welcome-to-my-31245350?utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=postshare

Let’s see where this goes!

Moments in 2018

I got to perform the monologue “Because He Liked to Look at it” in The Vagina Monologues with the Maine Educationalists of Sexual Health (MESH). This was my second year in a row performing in The Vagina Monologues, but this was my first time working with MESH.

I got to be blessed by so many friends’ chapbooks and full-length poetry books coming in the mail after purchase.

Through my MSW internship with Maine Inside Out, I had the opportunity to meet anti-death penalty activist and author of Dead Man Walking and The Death of Innocents Sister Helen Prejean.

I made it to the National Poetry Slam Team Qualifier Finals at Slam Free or Die in Manchester, New Hampshire.

Dating was great and difficult at the same time.

I facilitated the creation of an interfaith mural of hands upon a tree at my graduate school’s Interfaith Prayer and Reflection Room wall with fellow peers and faculty.

I made a website to promote myself as a poet with the help of a friend!

I coached my undergraduate’s alma mater’s spoken word team at the College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational (CUPSI) at Temple University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

After a poetry feature, I got to keep a live painting of myself performing. It’s one of the best things I own now.

I got all A’s in my last semester of grad school.

I got to meet my online author friend from The Tempest, Molly Booth, for the first time after tweeting at each other for two years.

I graduated from the University of New England with a Master’s in Social Work and Certificate in Applied Arts and Social Justice.

I completed my year-long MSW internship at Maine Inside Out, a theater non-profit that works towards ending youth incarceration. I still volunteer with them as often as I am able to.

I spent a full summer of leading youth poetry workshops around the New England area.

I have been meditating more regularly on weekday mornings with a group of awesome people at The Dharma House in Portland.

I became the Youth Coordinator for the Feminine Empowerment Movement Slam (FEMS), and amazing non-profit that provides a space for feminine voices in slam poetry in Boston, Massachusetts. It is my second year in a row going to FEMS, and it felt good to rest well while being there.

I moved in with my friend Bridgette Kelly in an apartment not too far from the Eastern Promenade in Portland, Maine.

I’m still in therapy! (It’s so hard and wonderful all meshed into one)

I saw Black Panther, A Wrinkle in Time, Sorry to Bother You, Blindspotting, Eighth Grade, Crazy Rich Asians, and Mary Poppins Returns in theaters and loved them all! So many great movies this year!

I recorded a short video for Minority Mental Health Awareness Month for Mental Health America. It was about being a black mixed race person having anxiety, depression, dermatillomania, and who has had bouts of suicide ideation. It has been seen a lot on my social media, Mental Health America’s social media, and the Feminine Empowerment Movement Slam’s social media with a lot of traction.

I wrote an article about suicide and media for The Tempest that Mental Health America shared that gave it a lot of traction.

I got to see a pre-Broadway showing of Moulin Rouge and LOVED it! I wrote a constructive review about it for The Tempest right after.

I began hosting writing gatherings at Quill Books & Beverage in Westbrook, Maine every Sunday morning since July. It’s such an amazing queer-friendly community space there, and I enjoy getting paid to do what I enjoy for an hour each week. It’s also the best thing to do right after church for me.

I finished both seasons of One Day at a Time and loved it! Looking forward to season 3 in 2019.

I got accepted into my first writers retreat: The Words of Fire Retreat for women and femmes of color at the Ferry Beach Retreat and Convention Center in Saco, Maine.

I started my first official job outside of higher education as a Program VISTA at EqualityMaine, a non-profit that works towards advocacy for LGBTQIA+ people in Maine. I also got to present a youth leadership and art workshop at The Q conference at the University of Maine in Orono, along with a poetry workshop at their summer camp the month before.

I decided to stop dating for a while.

I got to walk in my first Body Positive Runway Show for MESH to Maya Azucena’s song “Fearless” in honor of mental health and awareness of dermatillomania/excoriation disorder. I sent Maya Azucena pictures and a video and she loved it!

I started writing jokes to perform at stand up comedy open mics in August, and have been enjoying myself.

This is the second year in a row I have posted on social media during the majority of Suicide Prevention Month. It mattered to me more this year because this year has been the hardest for me when it comes to suicide in media.

My friend, Nathan Black, got married! I went to his wedding in Greenville, North Carolina and cried happy tears.

I got published and will soon be published in spaces such as Homology Lit, Soft Cartel, glitterMOB, The Underground Writers Association, Maps for Teeth, Frost Meadow Review, Black Table Arts, Maine Writers & Publishers Association’s Deepwater Column, and The Occulum Journal.

I started dating again.

I became a semi-finalist for the 2018 Francine Ringold Award for Emerging Writers for the Nimrod International Journal.

It has been four years and some change since my friend’s suicide. This is the year it hit me the hardest thus far.

I wrote an article for The Tempest about the film Blindspotting, and one of the main actors and writers for the film, Rafael Casal, liked it!!!

I was a runner up in the Slam Free or Die Individual Poetry Slam Championship.

I competed on an amazing slam team for Slam Free or Die’s VOX Team Tournament.

I fully came out as queer and questioning. Later on as queer and a nonbinary woman.

I got to publish my first review for a new book in The Tempest. It was for the release of Lyd Havens’ I Gave Birth to All the Ghosts Here via Nostrovia! Press.

I performed in my first comedy showcase and loved it.

I started booking artists and hosting more regularly as an organizer for the open mic series Port Veritas.

I got cast as a dancer in MESH’s Consensual Daydreamers’ production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It will be my first time performing in Rocky when the show happens in early January of 2019.

I have kept track of the amount of books I’m reading for once, and I have read a total of 61 books this year (fiction, poetry, graphic novels, children’s books, and nonfiction).

Resolutions from 2018

Have a website to showcase myself as a poet. (Achieved: https://www.mayawilliamspoet.com/)

Perform at 3 to 5 venues as a poet that aren’t in an open mic setting or a competitive slam setting. (Achieved! I performed at 4)

Complete at least half of my book. (Achieved! More than half! I’ll most likely have to rehash the whole thing, but this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that with this piece)

Get my LMSW after graduation and have a job where I can put my license to practice. (Not Achieved. I decided to not get my license because I no longer wanted one)

Get out of my comfort zone creatively by trying stand up comedy, dancing, more singing, and maybe other forms. (Achieved! Still doing stand up, I went to couple of dance classes, I danced in the Body Positive Runway Show, I’m dancing for Rocky, I sang at open mics, I sang at a karaoke bar, and I painted a little)

Go to the Mixed Remixed Festival in June since I missed it last year. (Not Achieved. It was rescheduled to the Fall of 2019. Fingers crossed that I’m able to go then!)

See A Wrinkle in Time in theaters. (Achieved! Twice! Ugggh so good!)

Publish a poetry chapbook. (Not Achieved [Yet]. We’ll see what happens in 2019)

Resolutions for 2019

**This is the longest list of resolutions thus far. I’m still following what I’ve said every year about not berating myself if I don’t fully complete each one, but it’s worth a shot this year. I want this year to be rich for me spiritually, creatively, and community-wise.

Be better at making friends at church.

Feature at 7 venues as a poet.

Fulfill one of my therapy goals.

Have at least 3 videos of myself performing poetry to put on my website.

Know how my book ends.

Be better at saying “no” to things when I need to rest.

Be a public speaker at two events outside of the New England area.

Navigate more ways of promoting Port Veritas.

Publish a poetry chapbook.

Be able to encourage more youth from Maine to attend the third annual FEMS.

Read 70 books.

Moments in 2017

Sooooo much has happened in one year. This is one of my longest posts to date. You’ve been warned.

I completed my time as a Better Together Coach for the Interfaith Youth Core co-facilitating at the Interfaith Leadership Institute in Atlanta, Georgia and Elon University’s Ripple Conference in North Carolina.

I wore green in honor of Meredith College’s Green Out day in support of the Muslim community since the election of 2016.

I performed “My Angry Vagina” in ECU’s production of The Vagina Monologues.

I performed poetry along with my poetry partner for our friend’s multimedia installation Bare Bones, which involved music poetry, a lot of dance, photography, and visual art.

I organized ECU’s second annual Interfaith Leadership Summit that had Chris Stedman (author of Faitheist) as our featured speaker; this was the first time we’ve had local news coverage about it: https://youtu.be/zc5z7CHKm-4

I got out of a romantic relationship.

I competed in the College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational (CUPSI) with my slam team in Chicago, Illinois.

Interfaith Pirates Better Together won the Identity Development Award for the second year in a row, and for the first time, my spoken word group and slam team Word of Mouth won the Civic Engagement Award at the ALANA Heritage Ball Awards at ECU.

I completed my semester long BSW internship with United Way of Pitt County where I developed storytelling programming for infants and toddlers and did grant writing.

I graduated from ECU with a Bachelor’s in Social Work and a Bachelor’s of Art in English Magna Cum Laude. For my English graduation, I gave a speech as a recipient of Most Outstanding Undergraduate in English.

I went to Windy Gap for InterVarsity’s Rec Week as a retreat for religious and spiritual growth.

My brother graduated high school.

I traveled to South Asia for the first time (my first time overseas). I also spent a 19-hour layover in London, England, and got to explore around there.

I moved to Portland, Maine and completed my first semester of graduate school at the University of New England and got all A’s my first semester.

I decided to go to therapy again after deciding to stop going for six months.

I started my first half of my yearlong MSW internship with Maine Inside Out grant writing and co-facilitating theater programming for incarcerated youth and formerly incarcerated youth. One of the letters of intent I wrote as a candidate to apply for a grant got accepted.

I have been contributing monthly videos for Multiracial Media touching on topics about mixed race identity you can find here from this year: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjr38JuDvo0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixN6bXUlKJo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jsvzufHOr8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w4wl-DQFqY

I shared a lot of people’s spoken word work on mental health and suicide online, including my own, in honor of Suicide Prevention Month; I got my second tattoo as well in honor of Suicide Prevention Month.

I became a Personal Support Specialist on the weekends.

I was a sacrificial poet for the Vox Slam for Slam Free or Die’s tournament in Manchester, New Hampshire.

I got to meet Leslie Odom, Jr. at Portland Ovations and he was wonderful! And he signed my copy of Hamilton: the Revolution.

I’ve had ups and downs in the dating world.

I got to create interfaith programming as part of my course work at UNE.

I was a sacrificial poet at the Feminine Empowerment Movement Slam Tournament (FEMS) in Cambridge, Massachusetts and got to see old and new friends in an empowering space of fems.

I joined Portland’s weekly spoken word collective Port Veritas, won a couple of their slam contests, and I host every couple of weeks their open mics.

I got to co-feature with a friend in Portsmouth, New Hampshire’s Book n Bar with the Beat Night Band.

I have received a lot of mean tweets for a tweet that I made about a confederate flag waving near the highway in Virginia. Never thought I’d put something like that on this list.

Although this was my first Thanksgiving without family, I got to spend it with great friends in Montreal, Quebec; it was my first time in Canada and second time out of the U.S. this year.

I’ve had the opportunity to read so many of my friends’ books and love them and support them.

I watched Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and Coco in movie theaters and I loved it!

Resolutions from 2017:

Have the concept of a book set in order to start writing a draft. (Achieved! It’s going to take forever to actually complete the book, but the more I talk about it, the more I’ll be held accountable in finishing it)

Read Scripture every day, along with writing prayers every day. (Beginning of the year was steadily maintained. In the middle of the year, not the best. However, since July, I’ve been consistent and I’m still going. I’m more consistent in going to church every sunday too; since August, I’ve only missed 2 or 3 Sundays. So I’ll say Achieved.)

Have a car for grad school. (Achieved! Thank you Dad!)

Expand topics in the Race Section of The Tempest. (Achieved? I did get to do a bit for a couple of articles edited and pitches I gave. However, I actually stepped down as editor in August/September. I still pitch to The Tempest when I can, they’re still so amazing!)

Work out twice a week starting January 9th, when school starts again. (Beginning of the year, steadily maintained. Summertime, none at all. Since August, I made it once a week. Once or twice since then I’ve done it twice a week. Achieved?)

Resolutions for 2018: (still trying to maintain the idea of realistic goals, and won’t berate myself if they’re not all achieved, but I want to achieve as much as I can)

Have a website to showcase myself as a poet.

Perform at 3 to 5 venues as a poet that aren’t in an open mic setting or a competitive slam setting.

Complete at least half of my book.

Get my LMSW after graduation and have a job where I can put my license to practice after graduation.

Get out of my comfort zone creatively by trying stand up comedy, dancing, more singing, and maybe other forms.

Go to the Mixed Remixed Festival in June since I missed it last year.

See A Wrinkle in Time in theaters.

Publish a poetry chapbook.

I enjoy writing these posts to look back on as much as I’m willing to share about with others. Overall, I have had a pretty good year, and an exciting year. On a larger scale, I know that this year has been so so rough for a lot of us. It hasn’t been easy for any of us to always maintain optimism, and we shouldn’t be obligated to. Cheers to us who still found light the best way we knew how to.

 

 

Poem: What to Do When You Have Suicide Ideation Again

Retreat to music.

Retreat to loved ones even if they’re not there physically.

Focus the majority of your energy on someone else’s mental health issues

instead of your own.

Lie to yourself about not being depressed,

and then tell yourself the truth upon realizing that you just don’t want to

experience it again.

Remind yourself that you’re broken and not broken

at the same time.

Write it down because you can’t scream it.

Your thoughts are all trapped inside your body,

so at least get it out on your phone screen,

God******

Listen to Third Eye Blind…and be disgusted

at how cheesy and cliché you are about

suicidal thoughts.

Remind yourself that these thoughts are not

as bad as the ones from the first time around.

Be thankful that you listed your struggles with anxiety and depression

on your application for the last

biblical missionary training you went to.

Remind yourself of how much it hurt when loved ones attempted and/or

succeeded.

Remind yourself of how when your best friend attempted,

You reminded them of how you’re all out of poems for death.

Remind yourself how you reminded them

that you will not write a poem for them.

Therefore, you friends will not

write poems for you.

Don’t tell your mother about your

suicidal ideation

because she can’t go through that a second time.

Sure, she may do better than the first time

if you tell her,

but your point still stands.

Listen to Christian music…

but not too much.

Because you refuse to be a cliché

again.

Write your prayers because you’re more honest with God

when you’re writing.

Use Twitter for random rants

because it’s the oddest form of venting,

and sometimes validation.

Pray for friends who don’t respond to your messages

of checking in;

especially when they’ve told you that

your persistence mattered to them.

Thank God for the one friend who did finally respond.

Remind yourself not to be a hypocrite,

because your friends are going through a similar journey as you;

up and down

in mental health,

whether circumstantial or not.

Tell yourself that you’re not alone,

and it’s normal to feel how you feel.

 

Moments in 2016

I got to meet poet, educator, and activist Sister Sonia Sanchez. I also got to meet Matthew Vines, writer of God and the Gay Christian, and founder of the Reformation Project.

I participated in the #ECUWithoutMe Campaign, speaking out about visibility of multiracial identity.

I got to compete in the College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational for the second time in Austin, Texas with fellow Word of Mouth Slam team members. I saw Rudy Francisco and Neil Hilborn again–seeing Neil was great especially before opening for him in a spoken word performance at our university–and I met Sierra DeMulder for the first time.

My interfaith organization, Interfaith Pirates Better Together, organized East Carolina University’s fist Interfaith Leadership Summit as a space for people to discuss and put into action social justice through interfaith dialogue. It will now become an annual conference.

Interfaith Pirates has been recognized in local and national nominations and awards for our hard work.

My InterVarsity staff worker left his position to work at Third Street Community Center in Greenville, NC, and he left someone just as awesome as him in his place.

I became a contributor and editorial fellow for The Tempest, where diverse millennial women take media by storm. I later became the Race Section editor for The Tempest.

Another sister of mine graduated high school.

I was invited to share my work at the Mixed Remixed Festival, and was on the Mixed Millenials Panel at the Festival in Los Angeles, California. I also got to meet Taye Diggs at the Mixed Remixed Festival.

I was accepted into the Interfaith Youth Core’s Better Together Coach Program, helping facilitating different students’ learning in campus interfaith work all from around the United States. I also had the honor to read a speech at the annual Interfaith Leadership Institute in Chicago, Illinois about my growth as an interfaith leader.

I got to meet activists Angela Davis and Kate Bornstein. A friend and I got to open for Angela Davis through spoken word performance.

I saw Zootopia and Moana in theaters and I loved it!!

I having been blogging for over two years.

Resolutions from 2016:

Score well on the GRE when I take it in February. [Achieved!]

Be accepted to at least one out-of-state graduate school. [Achieved! I will be attending the University of New England in Portland, Maine in August. I will be in their Advanced Standing Master’s in Social Work Program along with their certificate program for Applied Arts and Social Justice]

Find new ways to to take time for myself while also finding new ways to use this blogging space. [There were moments when I haven’t blogged in a long time, however, this was still able to be accomplished. Achieved!]

Meditate more along with writing prayers and being more active in prayer. [Achieved in being active in prayer. Not Achieved in writing prayers as often as I used to, or in meditating. Could have been better]

Read my great grandpa’s work on the missions he did in Africa. [Not Achieved]

Continue learning how to be more honest. [Gradually Achieving]

Audition and perform in a play. [Auditioned, yes. However, the performance for The Vagina Monologues won’t be until February of 2017. Achieved?]

Resolutions for 2017 (trying to stay as realistic as possible):

Have the concept of a book set, in order to start writing a draft.

Read Scripture every day, along with writing prayers every day.

Have a car for grad school.

Expand topics in the Race Section of The Tempest.

Work out twice a week starting January 9th, when school starts again.

This is the first time I actually post this the day of the New Year. This past year has been rough in our global climate, and this year may be even more rough, but it’s still going to be great. Here’s to a Happy New Year!

What I’m Doing and What I Want to Do

I am so excited for this summer.

Starting next week, I will be taking an online course for about a month in contemporary British literature.

Next Saturday, once a week for three weeks, I will be teaching spoken word to active elder adults under the Creative Aging Network in Greensboro, North Carolina. I have interned with them before, and taught classes with them before, it will be great to see my supervisor and everyone else again.

On June 11th, I will be part of the Mixed Millennials panel at the Mixed Remixed Festival in Los Angeles, California. It has been amazing, being in contact with their platform on Twitter for a while, sharing my pieces with them there, and now I’ll be able to share my pieces in person!

Starting June 17th, I will be interning with World Horizons’ USA chapter Hillside Missions working in ministry for refugees at their nonprofit. My goal is to work on their art team so that I can do arts ministry.

In early August, I will be training under the Interfaith Youth Core to become a Better Together Coach, where I will learn more about interfaith leadership and help students at the Interfaith Leadership Institute in Chicago, Illinois. The Interfaith Youth Core has helped a great deal in getting ECU’s interfaith organization up and running, so it will be great working with them more closely!

After this summer, I will be a senior in my undergraduate programs at East Carolina University.

I will be graduating in the Spring of 2017 with a Bachelor’s in Social Work and English. I will be applying to the University of California in Los Angeles, the University of New England, Appalachian State University, and ECU for graduate school.

My goal is to attend a graduate program to obtain my Master’s in Social Work with a certificate in a field of expressive arts therapy and/or social justice.

Let’s see how it all goes.

Moments in 2015

2015:

I have been wearing glasses for the first time in five years. I still wear contacts, but it’s cool to switch things up every now and then.

I flew on a plane for the first time in seven years to Atlanta, Georgia in January. I took a second plane to Chicago, Illinois in August; it was my first time in Chicago.

I have competed in the College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational (CUPSI) at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) in Richmond, Virginia for the first time along with two other slam teammates out of the five of us. We made it to the semifinals and placed 17th out of 68 teams! We met fabulous poets such as Neil Hilborn, Rudy Francisco, and Aja Monet at CUPSI.

I went to the Interfaith Youth Core Conference in Atlanta, Georgia and Chicago, Illinois to receive interfaith training to being East Carolina University’s first interfaith campus group. So much has been done this year in interfaith work! I’m so proud!

I started working at the cultural center on my campus, and then started working as a tutor for student athletes on campus.

I participated in a Faculty Forward protest for the first time, and I went to an LGBTQIA Pride Parade in Durham, North Carolina for the first time.

I saw the first season of Daredevil on Netflix and enjoyed it along with the third season of Orange is the New Black!

I chopped my hair into a pixie cut, and I am loving it when it’s natural and when it’s straightened. It’s been growing out, so I’m now going to let it grow out.

My sister graduated high school.

I constantly questioned what I was going to do for graduate school.

I have been published in ECU campus media and online media.

I became an intern for The Black Sheep Articles @ ECU, first as a staff writer, then as a paid intern as chief campus editor.

I met Jamie Tworkowski, founder of To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA), a non-profit that invests in recovery and hope for those struggling with suicidal thoughts, addiction, and self-injury. I purchased a TWLOHA t-shirt and a poster that has a quote from Tworkowski’s If You Feel Too Much.

I attended the Urbana ’15 Missions Conference in St. Louis Missouri with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. We talked about faith, social justice, cross-cultural efforts, and we worshipped in variety of cultural music in different languages all the way into the New Year!

I have been blogging for over a year.

Resolutions from 2015:

More writing on this blog, but include short stories, not just prose, poetry, and rants. [Achieved!]

Express genuine joy, not force joy or happiness out of me. [Getting better.Achieved!]

Attend a missions trip for the first time. [CHAT Program for Spring Break. Achieved!]

Participate in more interfaith events. [Dude, yes!! Interfaith Pirates Better Together at ECU is doing such great work. Gonna keep it going! Achieved!]

More praying. [Yes and no. Fluctuates. Mostly yes, I believe. Achieved!]

Try painting over the summer. [No. Didn’t get the materials as intended. Unachieved.]

Complete the Star Wars series and the Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit series before the year is out. [Completed Star Wars; including The Force Awakens. Not Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit. Achieved?]

Do more research as I read the Bible. [Achieved!]

Resolutions for 2016 (trying to stay as realistic as possible):

Score well on the GRE when I take it in February.

Be accepted to at least one out-of-state graduate school.

Find new ways to to take time for myself while also finding new ways to use this blogging space.

Meditate more along with writing prayers and being more active in prayer.

Read my great grandpa’s work on the missions he did in Africa.

Continue learning how to be more honest.

Audition and perform in a play.

A day late, I know, but here’s to a Happy New Year! Whoo hoo!!

The Black Sheep Articles @ ECU

Back in June, I received an email about a new internship opportunity.

It was described to me as “like the Onion, but for college campuses.”

I would receive internship credit for turning in articles and attending content meetings every week for The Black Sheep Articles @ ECU. I received my first two assignments yesterday.

I’m actually pretty excited about it! It gives me the chance to write more than I usually do, it’s an opportunity to reach out to my campus, and it gets me further along in my English degree. What is there to lose? Also, it will push me to want to write in other mediums when I’m not working on an article, that way my creative juices can still flow properly.

Here’s to a good year with The Black Sheep.